To: metal-metal@yahoogroups.com
Subject: [metal@metal] Rant
On 10/13/07, deniz besiktepe <*******@hotmail.com> wrote:
Allow me to compensate for you then, but you'll have to bear with me for three paragraphs only remotely relevant, and even longer paragraphs possibly boring, but the tooth fairy will chip your penis in your sleep if you skip.
I don't know if anyone cares about the gathering, at least as much as I do, but if you do, you (should) know Anneke van Giersbergen, the singer, has left. Apparently, the news has been out for as long as a year or even more, and a "last tour with Anneke" has even been arranged back then. It was quite the shock for me when I had to digest the whole thing a peaceful evening last June, learning Anneke is leaving, with the upcoming album they were working on and promised to be wonderful now out of focus and the absolute last two "Anneke" gigs only a month away. What made it all the bitter is that they were supposed to perform here in Istanbul last February, and it was first postponed and then canceled. I hadn't seen them live once and that's one of the bands I felt I had to see before I regretfully rot six feet under some day somewhere.Gigs in question were in Czech Republic and Finland and I'd see both. Alas, too late to apply for Schengen visa (for Finland) on such a short notice, but I managed to get visa to Cz. Rep. I meet up with Levent (now studying & working in Germany) in Prague and fast-forward to "the" day.
Concert was to take place at 23:00 during a 4-day festival in some town called Mala Skala, to 90 miles (or kms) north of Prague, a narrow Valley with a river going through. Nice place. Beautiful scenery. We took a bus and reached the place at about 19:00 after a few hours of butt-chipping trip. We took notice that just about everybody else has come with a car, or a tent, or both and I knew full well that there would be no means of returning that late but I, for some reason, assumed that we would be able to anyway. Should we not, we weren't prepared or equipped in anyway. Levent forced down the idea on me that we had to hit on people to share tents with, where sex would be the bonus. How dutiful oh him. So we fooled around until the concert, had stuff signed by the band (extremely stupid of me to bring along the ticket to the canceled Istanbul concert to Prague for signatures, and forget it at the hotel!) and photographs with Anneke, etc. and found these sisters shortly before the gathering took stage, and it was almost perfect, until they, or rather the sister Levent took up, the older/elder one, opposed to the idea of sharing tents, and that we had to depart as they seemed to have no interest in "the gathering". It also turned out that the older sister had a boyfriend. A real shame; both girls were charming, and seemed to be totally into us, especially the younger one, into me. Concert was beautiful. Anneke was charming, amazing on the stage. I almost cried like a girl. Well, actually I did. I still have a penis though.
Cold. Ouch. I mean it, and bare t-shirts don't help either. People were walking around in coats at that point. Fooling around, crying out "Anyone going to Prague?" proved to be completely useless, so let's hit the road, right?. Not really. We first asked Taxi drivers to quote us a price. Not content with it, we hitchhiked; for how long or how many cars passed, I don't know, but not a single one of them stopped, nor even slowed down. Not even with cash out in hand, waving to cars passing by. Not the most helpful people as it seems. We went back and forth between the road and the concert area, looking for some people to hit on and share a tent with or someone with a car, going back home to take us with them. Fucking taxi-drivers. The second time we asked, to another driver, the price had gone marginally up. No bargaining either. Upon attempting to bargain with other taxi drivers, the one we asked earlier, talked to them, pointing to us. I imagine he was exhorting not to bargain with us.
So we finally hit back the concert area and got into the crowd for heat. It was ironic to find our answers right there, in the form of two females, with big titties, hitting on us, albeit with ugly faces and as luck would have it, I was out of paper bags for that nice facial solution but the worst that could happen would be them hitting on us in hopes of a tent or a ride home for themselves. It was a breeze to get intimate and luck compensated for the lack of paperbags with tents. YAY! As it turns out, the girls had separate tents, which was all the better. Goodbye mountain colds. I'd appreciate your scenic chill if I had been dressed up accordingly. Next time. If you have noticed the length of this e-mail, you know something wrong has got to have happened.
We got on with it in the tent and I think the infamous "luck" just forced its invisible dick through my butt, because I got an early on which made a mess in the most awkward moment, and I don't believe she even appreciated the effort. I mean, no paperbags! Suffice it to say, we were back in the out as fast as we had escaped. The real victim here is Levent, and perhaps the other girl as well, as their routine had to be interrupted as well. What to do? Hit the stage-front back for heat.
As people waned out and with it, the heat, we moved into one of the two disco area, set up in a big tent, and then to the other one as the show was over. Some warmth, finally! That helped for a few warm but, disturbing hours. At the first disco tent where the age average was 35-40, where these 35-40-something adults were performing embarrassingly juvenile acrobacy with the aid of alcohol, I felt a couple of eyes on me several times. When we finally made eye contact, I saw that it definitely wasn't the hot woman in her late 30s, wearing a very visible g-string inside her tight low-belt pants I spotted once, but rather a long, well-built, bearded guy with short curly hair. I tried to keep my homophobic thoughts out and believe that he was just someone low on ego, doing his best to scare or disturb someone, and that he had chosen me as a prey. That twisted and false sense of security collapsed fast when he moved towards me and, instead of expressing some meany anger, he sat beside me with a smile on his face: "Halo!" followed by something in Czech language. Out of almost everyone who didn't speak or understand English, he did. I'm not sure what made him think I might be gay out of all people in the disco, but being young should have something to do with it, as well sitting on the same couch with Levent. Because the gay was drunk, he wouldn't believe that I was straight, so I don't know whether him putting his hand on my knee should come earlier or later, but that was where I drew the line. I tried to be polite without being overly physical, out of being nice and also out of fearing and knowing that he could probably crush me like a goo if he wanted to. Finally, he called me a fag before he buggered off.
Back to enjoying the warmth. Eventually, we were forced to retreat to the big open tent (I know there is a word for this, what was it?), and shiver 'till dawn. At least watching people drink, get drunk and act like moron brutes for hours proved to be a worthwhile entertainment. Now thinking again, time might have passed a lot faster if we got drank ourselves, and I even might black out! But nah, not worth the hangover. It finally occurred to me that asking the couple sitting nearby (for at least an hour) about public transport hours might be a good idea and so I did. Am I smart tonight or what?
After a series of cell-phone button-mashing, she told us that train station is supposed to be somewhere close but she doesn't know where exactly, that there is a train in ten minutes and it would be an hour or so until the next one. After sharing a moment of exchanging stares with Levent, we sprint, to wherever the train station is supposed to be. This concert area takes up about a vertical half of the valley. The other half is a town, with a river going through by one side, and a railroad on the other, so. We ran into the town, ask around where no one seems to speak English. Finally, this one guy did, and he pointed us to a direction. Despite our obvious hurry, he asked where we were from. Levent, as a result of a long-lasting Jew-jokes, said "Israel, shalom!".The direction the guy pointed felt wrong, as it seemed to be deviating from where the railroad I've barely seen earlier was supposed to be. So I thought he might either be fucking with us, or ill informed himself. It was then he started bossing around Levent. "So you're Jews? I hate Jews, you fucking Jews." He kept on going like that, while Levent tried to call him down, saying "easy, man". He wouldn't listen. "You fucking Jews know what? I'm from Lebanon. We kick your ass, your Jewish ass". Levent seemed to be concerned about that, while I was more concerned about finding the train station, still looking around, trying to decide where to go. "I have a cousin in Hizbullah; he's the second man of Nasrallah, you know what I mean, Jew? Get the fuck out of this country and never come back!". I felt it might be funny to keep on with the Jew-jokes and said "Yeah yeah, speak Jewish or die motherfucker!" That pulled the pin for the anti-semite guy, as he changed his direction towards me, with his right hand going into his pocket "Is that so? Let me see your tongue, maybe I can use yours". Ok, that sounds like we're in serious shit. That was also when I noticed he had two friends with him, one of which just stood still, arms crossed while the other dropped his backpack onto the ground. We took off, on my lead, up the hill where I thought the railroad might be. Thankfully, anti-semite guy only shouted. "Yes, just like that, run you Jew shits!".
We found the railroad, without a station to be seen anywhere. At that point, we'd either take right or left to go along the road. We took right, back towards the concert area, but on a hill. A gardener showed us a building silhouette to be the station in the direction we were going. Seconds later we heard the bells, warning of an approaching train, so we tried to run as fast as we could and I can't describe how it felt to find the *wooden* building to be an abandoned one, falling apart with wooden boards missing all over, but it didn't last long, as we made out the vague details of the actual station through trees, obstructing the view and made it for the train. We caught it. We weren't sure if that was the right train and the conductor didn't speak English, French, German or Swedish. He might speak other Eastern European languages perhaps. Anyway, another pair of guys wearing metal t-shirts did (speak English), and we learned it's the right train.
Guys had come to see Edguy. I didn't contribute to the chitchat Levent had with them. Falling into complete xenophobic paranoia perhaps, two other male figures who didn't exactly look like somebody you'd ask for directions, or ask for anything at all, made me think they could be some racist, fascist brutes. They were overly quite too. Levent learned that we will change trains at some station, so we do once we reach there and bingo: the brutes do too! Fuck, will it ever end? I will get beaten, buttfucked (not that there is any other kind of fornication I could be subjected to, short of a deep-throat) and chopped up, I feared. They left the train the next station though. Phew! That marks the beginning of a 3 hours-long peaceful train trip back into Prague. We even made it to the breakfast at the hotel!
----- Original Message -----
From: Vance McCumber
To: metal-metal@yahoogroups.com
Sent: Friday, October 12, 2007 8:42 PM
Subject: [metal@metal] Rant
Damn, can't even read my own story I sent or the replies because our
spam filter blocked it, I had to go online to see what kind of a rise
I'd get out of all you.
Okay, to be honest that really didn't happen, it was a joke...
Anyways, I did see Chuck Norris at a Sushi place in Dallas back when he
was still doing Walker Texas Ranger. I didn't talk to him or anything;
it would be cool to see him nowadays, so I could bust out some Chuck
Norris jokes on him.
Yeah, I wish I had more motivation to write more dumbass stories, but
these days it's hard.
Vance
NP: Yavuz Çetin - Benimle Uçmak İster Misin
1 comments. Click to leave a Comment.:
You had me laughing hysterically at "our answers right there, in the form of two females, with big titties, hitting on us, albeit with ugly faces."
hahaha classic
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